So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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