i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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