I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
