Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
