my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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