I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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