they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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