We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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