Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
