she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
