i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
