i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
