I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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