So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
