I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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