I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you had me at cake vodka
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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