im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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