you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
A+ Viking dick
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
