dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
