I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
