i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This is classic penis vs brain.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
