I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You don't make any sense
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