Cold hands, warm shart.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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