I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
