aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
