so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
