Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize