You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
