I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
