just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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