There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
