..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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