i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
