white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
