They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
