Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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