ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
