the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Randomize
