Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
