I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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