he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
