woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
