I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
