I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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