Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
