All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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