Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
