I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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