my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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