barbara walters just said penis...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
