first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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