I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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