He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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