When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
