well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
