Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
