She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i drank out of a bidet.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
