the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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