you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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