yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
