I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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