Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
