words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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