You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
