I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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