final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
